If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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