why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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