How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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