i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
