Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
