Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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