My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
