Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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