laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
