it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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