i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
