I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
