so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
