Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
