i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
