2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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