Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
