she woke up with a sticky ear
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
