Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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