I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
