Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There r osticjed everywhere
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
