i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
