im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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