just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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