It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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