i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
