Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
