I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
