Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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