She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
