break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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