Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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