dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
