Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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