So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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