Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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