Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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