I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
