Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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