Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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