I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think i got beer on your cat.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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