I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
