I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
