Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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