Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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