no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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