You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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