Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
