We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize