Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
