Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
