OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
