It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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