Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
