Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize