Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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