Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
