Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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