absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
