I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
