The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
