I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
