i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
