Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
