After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dick very happy bro
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
