Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
