My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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